When you know how arguments work, you can learn to keep them under control.
1) You can think of arguments like a fire.
The logs are the things you argue about most. Even when you’re getting on well, the logs are still there. Some common ones are:
- Money
- Friends
- Housework
- Sex
- Children
This video explains the card in more detail
bit.ly/logsandfire
2) The match can be anything that starts an argument. It’s often something small:
- The wrong tone of voice
- Feeling stressed
- Not listening to each other
3) Once the argument has started, we can make things worse by the way we respond. This can add fuel to the fire:
- Snapping back
- Walking out
- Bottling things up
- Saying hurtful things
- Bringing up old arguments
4) There are also things we can do to stop the argument getting worse. This is like putting water on the fire:
- Taking a break
- Listening
- Saying sorry
- Having a hug
Here’s a few things to try:
a) Can you think of what your logs are?
b) The next time you argue, see if you can tell when you’re pouring fuel.
c) Think about ways you could pour water, and try them out.